"Ghosting"—the act of suddenly cutting off all communication without explanation—has become a common, yet widely disliked, part of modern dating and relationships. Is it ever an acceptable way to end things? Let's explore the etiquette of disappearing.
When Ghosting Might Be Justifiable
While direct communication is almost always better, there are a few rare scenarios where ghosting might be understandable, primarily for safety reasons.
- If you feel unsafe: If someone has been aggressive, creepy, or made you feel uncomfortable in any way, you do not owe them an explanation. Your safety comes first. Prioritize your well-being and disengage immediately.
- After only a few brief messages: If you've exchanged only a handful of messages on a dating app and the conversation hasn't gone anywhere, a mutual fade-out is common and generally acceptable. There's no established relationship to formally end.
When You Should Not Ghost
In almost every other situation, ghosting is unkind and creates unnecessary confusion and anxiety for the other person. You should avoid ghosting if:
- You've met in person: Once you've shared a real-life experience with someone, they deserve the respect of a closing message.
- You've been communicating for a while: If you've built a rapport over days or weeks, a sudden disappearance is jarring and disrespectful.
- They haven't done anything wrong: If the person has been respectful and kind, but you're just not feeling a connection, ghosting is a cowardly way out.
What to Do Instead of Ghosting
Ending things doesn't have to be a dramatic confrontation. A simple, kind, and direct message is all that's needed. This provides closure and allows both people to move on.
"Hey, I've enjoyed chatting with you, but I don't think we're a match. I wish you the best of luck out there!"
This message is clear, respectful, and final. It's uncomfortable for a moment, but it's far better than the alternative. If crafting this message feels daunting, you can use a tool like ChatSista to help find a polite and effective way to phrase it.