The first message is your digital first impression. On a dating app, a great opening line can be the difference between starting an amazing conversation and being left in the digital void. The goal is to stand out from the sea of "hey" and "hi" and show you've put in a little effort.
1. Personalize, Personalize, Personalize
The single most effective thing you can do is to show you've actually read their profile. Find something specific to comment on.
- Did they mention a recent trip? Ask them about their favorite part.
- Do they have a picture with a pet? Ask the pet's name.
- Do they list a unique hobby? Express curiosity about it.
Example: "That picture of you hiking in Peru looks incredible! What was the most challenging part of that trek?"
2. Ask an Engaging Question
Your message should make it easy for them to reply. The best way to do that is to ask a question—and not a yes/no question. An open-ended question invites a more detailed response and gets the conversation started.
Instead of "I like your dog," try "Your golden retriever is adorable. What's their name and what's their goofiest habit?"
3. Keep it Short and Sweet
Your first message shouldn't be a novel. A few well-crafted sentences are all you need. You want to pique their interest, not overwhelm them. A long, rambling message can seem too intense right off the bat.
4. A Little Humor Goes a Long Way
If it fits your personality, a lighthearted or playful opening can be very effective. This could be a cheesy but charming pickup line or a funny observation about something in their profile. Humor shows confidence and can make your message memorable. Need a witty idea? Our AI assistant can help you brainstorm.
What to Avoid
- "Hey" or "Hi": It's low-effort and gets lost in the crowd.
- Overly-Used Compliments: "You're beautiful" is nice, but it's not a conversation starter.
- Anything Negative or Creepy: This should be obvious, but keep it positive and respectful.
By putting a little thought into your first message, you dramatically increase your chances of starting a real conversation and making a genuine connection.